Eventually…

There was no longer any other vehicle on the long, wide road. She finally gathered the courage to put up the visor, and increased the speed. She smiled as she mused how great the wind feels when you’re against it. She fought the urge to lift her hands, let go of the handlebars and just fly, even if it was just for a moment. She couldn’t let go of the bars; they meant safety, and they made sure she reaches home in one piece. And anyway, the bars were not the only thing that were pulling her down and obstructing her flight. Her heart was heavy enough to do that on its own.

She straightened up her back and stared at the horizon. She had no idea how she was going to get there, but she knew she would. Suddenly, she didn’t like the wind cutting across her face. She feared the tears that were sure to fill up the cracks that it made. So, she slowed down a bit. She kept looking in the rear-view mirror to see if the people she’d left behind tried to catch up with her. She looked ahead with eyes just as eager to catch a glimpse of the ones who had left her behind. In this constant looking back and forth, she missed a speed breaker and for a few seconds had her heart in her mouth as she barely managed to balance herself and the scooter. With wide eyes and a racing heart she rode with renewed caution. She didn’t stop to take a breath. No, she won’t do that. She won’t stop. Not now, when she has set her eyes on the horizon.

She had calmed down and had put the visor up again. She and her heart were moving at the same pace now. She smiled and gave Time a silent salute for doing it yet again. She wondered how it is the only one she knows who has the ability to restore a sense of order, however bleak. She wondered how Time must feel. People give all the credit to, and put all the blame on it for everything that happens to them with the same intensity. If that burden wasn’t enough already, people pin all their hopes and wishes on it as well. How many times in her life has she heard people tell her,“It will pass with the time”, “time will take away all the pain”, “give it time, everything will be okay.”? She shook her head. When will we learn? When will we look inside? She mused how people mistake Time for an agent, while it is merely a witness.

She felt the wind caressing her cheeks and was ready once more for what the universe had to throw. And, it threw a diversion. She panicked. She wasn’t ready yet. Should she stop? She mustn’t. So, she took the right turn and wished the direction was named rightfully so. She slowed down even more when she realized she wasn’t alone anymore. She pulled the visor down. People were zooming past her. All had their eyes set ahead somewhere as she tried to make sense of where she was. She was scared but she didn’t stop. She dodged a puddle there, and tried to stay in the middle. But there were horns. She needed to move a little here and get past that car that was too slow. Eventually, she got used to the chaos. “Time,” she sighed.

She looks around her now. The person ahead of her seems as disarrayed as she was when she took the turn. The person beside her is meandering through the road, swaying like a forgotten song inside a lover’s heart. She zooms past some people as the others catch up. She mimes the meandering and joins the song. She puts up the visor again as she notices the horizon, now so near, so within reach. She smiles at the road and its uncertainty. She smiles as she thinks about the speed-breakers that she’s going to miss, the bumps that will make her fall off her scooter, the turns that will make her tremble. She smiles as she thinks of the faces that will pass her by, that will wait and pass a smile, the faces whose stories she will know and whose story she’ll only guess. She smiles at the wind that scars her face and at the tears that fill the crevices. She lets go of the handlebars, no longer afraid to be broken into pieces. She smiles… she smiles as she embraces the horizon and sways along with it…

“What am I doing here?
A little light upon my face
A little shame I can’t erase
I’m telling you I can’t stay long
Got a plane that I can’t miss
Got to try to settle this
All I know is the sun will rise
Give it over and the sky will light
Give it love and the wrong will right eventually… eventually….”

(Song by Brock Hillman.)

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