Bouncing Back

She lay still. Almost like a corpse. Suddenly everything stopped making sense to her. Her entire life was now meaningless.
He was just a part of it. But the naïve person she was, she thought her world revolved around him. She thought he was her world instead. Oh hopeless romance.

She had been a drama queen. Until then she blew little things out of proportion and laughed off the attention she got. But now, she had witnessed a big event of her life. She was not sure if she wanted to keep that as a memory.

It was three in the morning. She wanted to talk to someone, but the voice seemed lost. “Hello, hello.” She did not reply. She hung up the phone and lay still again. It kept buzzing. But she was unsure of what she would say now.

The call was from the person she built her world around. But its funny how trust once broken can make you dumb. It was like reality had slapped her so bad. Even the spirits in the room, if they could talk, would mock at her and at the same time pity her.

She took out a sleeping pill, popped it in. And God, she was wrong. The void in her made the pill ineffective. That was the first time an empty mind had caused her a headache.

Empty mind. But only one thing bounced back in her thoughts again and again. “How could he cheat on me?” Tired of thinking the same thing she slipped into a nap, also hoping she would feel better when daylight struck and birds chirped.

A fine beam of the sun pinched her in the eye and to her shock, everything was as still as it was four hours back. She was a morning person, but what was unusual about this one? The void. She was reminded of it again.

She clinched her fist and struck her head with it, once twice thrice. She wanted to cry. But she could not. She wanted to eat but this was a depression. The worst part was that, she went the same way for the next fortnight.

Until when she stood on the terrace that night, the wind brushed through her hair. She was forced to feel her breathing. She closed her eyes. It was dark. Usually she saw two faces happy. But this time, it was pitch dark. Suddenly, she saw a face, trying to make its way like the sun on a cloudy day.

It emerged clearer and clearer… and it was her face. She was smiling, in that short dream and in reality. She did not expect to see herself like that again. Two drops from each eye rolled out. She was crying. Usually one would call it mixed emotions, but she knew she was happy. She howled, she allowed all the negativity to drain out form the abyss of her soul.

She knew this would be the first and the last time she would cry over this. The future would only have her thinking of this as a lesson. And just then she realised how everything really happens for a reason and for good.

She had had a closure from a dead relationship which was only alive in her mind. Alive until he cheated on her. And now there she is again, telling everyone how she is happy about that unfaithfulness,and that she could see the reason for his infidelity.

I told you she is a drama queen. Now she says “Cheating is good, it frees at least one bird from the cage every time.”

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Why That Relationship Shouldn’t, and Wouldn’t Last

Some recent circumstances led me to this mirror shattering revelation that friendships can suddenly break into nothing but shreds and pieces of memories that once relished your mind. I know, you must wonder what is so new in this. Aren’t human relationships, in general, platonic? They’re bound to crash regularly. I’m not here to tell you that life runs its course, people change and all the other bullshit that your neighbourhood optimists preach. No! I’m here to share, how with this experience I understood an important rational aspect of the human nature.

I understood that the only thing that keeps us together is not our profound love for the other person; it’s not even the likes/hatreds we share. That is a ubiquitously altered perception created in your mind, the perception of the constant need to maintain and encourage healthy emotional relationships. The idea of a society, sanctuary and safety for all, has somehow introduced within us, a particular affinity for relationships. With civilization came a series of realizations- our responsibility towards our family, our community, our state, our country, the human race and eventually the whole world. These subtly affected the process of the nurturing of our brain, our young innocent fragile minds. So when on your 3rd birthday, you looked at all the happy faces, you began to understand, that happiness multiplies when shared with close ones. Plus all the famous movies said it too. When you became a teenager, the people with most friends were considered the happiest, the outgoing-popular-extroverts who everyone liked. Come the pre-adult years, and everyone around you had a special someone they would go out on movies with. And couples all around you looked happy, strolling the streets, hand in hand, laughing and blushing over their conversations. And with this, the idea of creating strong threads of contact with other humans became more and more deeply embedded in your mind. By the time you become an adult, the hardships of responsibilities and the absence of honest and real people makes you cherish the deep bond you share with your childhood friends even more. And eventually, you settle into a cocoon of emotions that time and opinions have created around you. Effectively, what I believe is that we were raised into a community of socially adept monkeys who, after suddenly progressing under the reign of language, believe that integration of humans is the way to go.

“United we stand, divided we fall”
“All for one, and one for all”

But unity or coming together is not always the solution. What we are taught is not necessarily the right way. And now you might question, so why, day in day out, I go against my discernment and endure the everyday toils of friendship? Maybe the answer you expect isn’t the one I’m going to give, for like I told you, I’m not here to sell rainbows. The reason behind friendship is nothing, but the basic requirements to fulfill social and psychological constraints. You don’t worry about how much you will miss the person. The real fear, the true trepidation, is the idea of trying to somehow fit this ending into the already existing notions of society in your mind. How will people react to the fact that you suddenly stopped talking to him/her? What about all the common friends/relatives we share? Shouldn’t I accept their flaws? Isn’t human relationship about compromise? These questions, somehow lead to the introduction of a characteristic guilt, which in turn makes you accept things as they are. Things continue ahead as they previously did, until you are forced into the same questions again, and until you choose the same answers. You request people for advice, but all they ask you to do is forgive and move on, which mind you, is something you should do. But are all friendships/relationships worth the effort? No. A simple study of the human nature shows you how susceptible we are to making mistakes under certain circumstances. Sometimes these mistakes, they tend to stick with us. And these mistakes can be 5 or 10 years old, but they still remain mistakes. This deeply rooted belief, of the importance to maintain human relationships, has to go. Don’t misunderstand me, everyone needs a certain amount of human contact, to motivate their spirit, to double their happiness; but that time, in quantity and quality is not what has been defined for us, hard-wired into our brains. We need to be choosing this for ourselves, like we need to choose our endings. (Endings should not be hurtful, specifically if you want these endings) But what you don’t choose is the society you live in, which only seems right because it compares anything and everything with its own perception. But when the greatest men/women have failed to introspect and establish an unbiased cognitive opinion, what makes you think 7 billion average humans can do that collectively. So if you have somehow managed to read through this “so called pessimistic” view of relationships, consider this the next time before you make a decision about friendships- People might have changed, life might have changed and you might have changed, but in the end these things should not matter, because in all true sense, if you think it has to end, it has to end. Don’t conform to the regulations of society; it was created by drunken fools who were too busy maintaining friendships.

P.S.- This was written a long time ago, and I was reluctant to post it here, given how people might call it a pessimistic view on human relationships. I’ve tried to weigh relationships via the logic that initiated the idea of togetherness in humans, and if this comes out as a negative view of the same, then I humbly point out that this is a subjective opinion and that you shouldn’t judge the rest of the blog via this particular post. Thank you for your time.