Why That Relationship Shouldn’t, and Wouldn’t Last

Some recent circumstances led me to this mirror shattering revelation that friendships can suddenly break into nothing but shreds and pieces of memories that once relished your mind. I know, you must wonder what is so new in this. Aren’t human relationships, in general, platonic? They’re bound to crash regularly. I’m not here to tell you that life runs its course, people change and all the other bullshit that your neighbourhood optimists preach. No! I’m here to share, how with this experience I understood an important rational aspect of the human nature.

I understood that the only thing that keeps us together is not our profound love for the other person; it’s not even the likes/hatreds we share. That is a ubiquitously altered perception created in your mind, the perception of the constant need to maintain and encourage healthy emotional relationships. The idea of a society, sanctuary and safety for all, has somehow introduced within us, a particular affinity for relationships. With civilization came a series of realizations- our responsibility towards our family, our community, our state, our country, the human race and eventually the whole world. These subtly affected the process of the nurturing of our brain, our young innocent fragile minds. So when on your 3rd birthday, you looked at all the happy faces, you began to understand, that happiness multiplies when shared with close ones. Plus all the famous movies said it too. When you became a teenager, the people with most friends were considered the happiest, the outgoing-popular-extroverts who everyone liked. Come the pre-adult years, and everyone around you had a special someone they would go out on movies with. And couples all around you looked happy, strolling the streets, hand in hand, laughing and blushing over their conversations. And with this, the idea of creating strong threads of contact with other humans became more and more deeply embedded in your mind. By the time you become an adult, the hardships of responsibilities and the absence of honest and real people makes you cherish the deep bond you share with your childhood friends even more. And eventually, you settle into a cocoon of emotions that time and opinions have created around you. Effectively, what I believe is that we were raised into a community of socially adept monkeys who, after suddenly progressing under the reign of language, believe that integration of humans is the way to go.

“United we stand, divided we fall”
“All for one, and one for all”

But unity or coming together is not always the solution. What we are taught is not necessarily the right way. And now you might question, so why, day in day out, I go against my discernment and endure the everyday toils of friendship? Maybe the answer you expect isn’t the one I’m going to give, for like I told you, I’m not here to sell rainbows. The reason behind friendship is nothing, but the basic requirements to fulfill social and psychological constraints. You don’t worry about how much you will miss the person. The real fear, the true trepidation, is the idea of trying to somehow fit this ending into the already existing notions of society in your mind. How will people react to the fact that you suddenly stopped talking to him/her? What about all the common friends/relatives we share? Shouldn’t I accept their flaws? Isn’t human relationship about compromise? These questions, somehow lead to the introduction of a characteristic guilt, which in turn makes you accept things as they are. Things continue ahead as they previously did, until you are forced into the same questions again, and until you choose the same answers. You request people for advice, but all they ask you to do is forgive and move on, which mind you, is something you should do. But are all friendships/relationships worth the effort? No. A simple study of the human nature shows you how susceptible we are to making mistakes under certain circumstances. Sometimes these mistakes, they tend to stick with us. And these mistakes can be 5 or 10 years old, but they still remain mistakes. This deeply rooted belief, of the importance to maintain human relationships, has to go. Don’t misunderstand me, everyone needs a certain amount of human contact, to motivate their spirit, to double their happiness; but that time, in quantity and quality is not what has been defined for us, hard-wired into our brains. We need to be choosing this for ourselves, like we need to choose our endings. (Endings should not be hurtful, specifically if you want these endings) But what you don’t choose is the society you live in, which only seems right because it compares anything and everything with its own perception. But when the greatest men/women have failed to introspect and establish an unbiased cognitive opinion, what makes you think 7 billion average humans can do that collectively. So if you have somehow managed to read through this “so called pessimistic” view of relationships, consider this the next time before you make a decision about friendships- People might have changed, life might have changed and you might have changed, but in the end these things should not matter, because in all true sense, if you think it has to end, it has to end. Don’t conform to the regulations of society; it was created by drunken fools who were too busy maintaining friendships.

P.S.- This was written a long time ago, and I was reluctant to post it here, given how people might call it a pessimistic view on human relationships. I’ve tried to weigh relationships via the logic that initiated the idea of togetherness in humans, and if this comes out as a negative view of the same, then I humbly point out that this is a subjective opinion and that you shouldn’t judge the rest of the blog via this particular post. Thank you for your time.

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14 thoughts on “Why That Relationship Shouldn’t, and Wouldn’t Last

  1. Also, I was a little confused as you frequently oscillated between the terms friendships and relationships. Relationship generally has the connotation that is associated with love, but it obviously also refers to any human bonding. So I couldn’t surmise which one you wanted to refer to! :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m actually glad someone noticed that 😛
      It was originally written keeping in mind the term “friendship”, but i changed it to the term “relationship” at places, to tone it down on the pessimism, generalize it for a wider audience and remove any hints that could trace this back to the personal incident. But i only changed it where i thought it was absolutely necessary, where i thought i was speaking of a more general issue, because i hate changing my content to make it more relatable.
      Technically, both a relationship and a friendship is any form of human bonding, so i was going for the actual definitions and not the widely known perception according to which relationships are special friendships.
      So whether you accept it or not, you’re in a relationship with me. No Homo 😛

      Like

  2. Love this post. I have been slammed for giving up on many friendships/relationships because i could no longer connect with them. I don’t think along the same lines with most of my peers but the term “FRIENDSHIP” weighed so heavily in our minds that it was impossible to let go. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am bounded by a few selected due to the term “FRIENDSHIP”. Short of them, i have decided that time can be spent more wisely on things, events and people i believe. I no longer wish to go somewhere because someone wanted me to and not because i wanted to. A lot of people cannot agree with my mentality and my behaviour. They think i am erratic, abnormal and i should ‘fit in’. At the sound of that, i feel like shooting myself. No, i do not intend to fit in for nothing, Please, leave me alone.

    For those who contributes, stay
    For those who don’t, leave

    The above will not change for a long time to come. Life is short. Spend time wisely.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. SELF ESTEEM AND RELATIONSHIP

    I would like to offer a different way of looking at relationships.

    We all need relationship which connects us to the outside world.
    Our needs are emotional, intellectual and it helps us to grow and expand our awareness of the world.

    However, there is a set of dynamics that most of us are unaware of.

    Here is my premise. Our tendency is to pick people who have the same level of self esteem that we have. On a scale of one to ten, let’s say that you are a “two.” You will seek out another “two.” You will certainly avoid a “ten” or any other higher number. Why? Because you will feel inferior to that higher number and convince yourself that they wouldn’t find us up to par.

    What is the problem with picking a “two?”

    People with low self esteem are extremely competitive and will need to keep you as a “two.” They carry a big yardstick and are always measuring what you have versus what they have. Let’s say you won the lottery. Their view is “Let’s go spend it.” The agenda is to take away your advantage. They can’t let you get ahead of them. They are not a true friend, but a competitor.

    The higher you raise your level of self esteem and self worth, the higher you will pick from. When you are a “ten” you will pick a “ten.” And, a “ten” will advise you to invest your winnings. Your winning takes nothing away from them. They are supportive because they don’t feel threatened by your good fortune. There is no need to compete with you.

    This concept is something that I have learned through my life experiences. It took me a long time to connect the dots. But it has made all the difference in the world. Loving and supportive friends are treasures. They help bring sanity to your world. So it is important to understand how to create a dynamic relationship. And I believe it all begins with you and where your level of self esteem is at.

    The idea is to get your self esteem as high as you can. It has an impact on your entire life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Though i agree with you on the fact that one should strive to reach a “10” in terms of self-esteem, i can not personally relate to the idea of self esteem affecting the people we choose in our relationship. On a scale of 1 to 10, I have friends ranging from 1 to 9, and some of them are friends with each other as well. So basically, i don’t see it happening around me.

      All said and done, like mine, your point of view is also a very unique way to look at relationships. I don’t believe in a universal right, but if it works for you, i’m pretty sure it works for a lot of others as well.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Its said and seen that people have relations they wish to keep and are destined to have and others they are born with. It is the personal choice of course but I believe the certain special bond (a match of the wavelength they think on, or whatever you like to define it as) one shares in a friendship or relationship has a value of its own. And mistakes will be a shallow way determining whether to keep it or to break it, mistakes can come from anywhere and can go down what came first the egg or the hen thus leading to a blame game. Just thinking it must end is too snappy a way to react. I might sound conservative, but even if you are not conforming to society, it all depends on the personality. If the person is a keeper (for the relations he choses to make, not born with) he will put in his strength. And a certain something which is not clicking is easy to judge in the beginning.
    Moreover, relationships thrive on responsibility. The responsibility to keep it despite whatever. Its in-agreed but unsaid and that is what gives people an easy way out to do what they ‘think’ is correct.

    Like

    • The post is precisely written about how what you think is a result of the kind of society we’ve been raised in. Slavery was legal 150 years ago, and could be justified easily then. Why? Because it was an important part of the social values at that time. Yes, relationships go way way back, and might seem much less offensive to you in comparison to slavery. But that’s the whole point, what is offensive and what is not offensive is decided by our society. Our we would be naked people running in the streets and doing the things we want. I can write a full post about how different we would have been if there were no society, and maybe i will. But in this post, i try (i stress on the try) to show how the concept of relationships is justified by the society we live in, and hence is not necessarily what we want. But we can never really know. It’s just an idea, a philosophy, of an ideal mind. Just wonder how different things would have been if humans were asocial creatures. And obviously, you’re welcome to have your opinion 😀

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